Inside My Mind

These last few days I've been trying to decide how it's possible to experience the best and worst day of your life within a two week span of each other. I knew life was known to throw some curveballs within everyones lifetime but I never imagined that my curveball would be as extreme as this. I just keep thinking "this couldn't have actually all happened to me, right?". 

Between my London trip, loosing Katie, and moving to college in two short days, my life has been a whirlwind of ups, downs, happy times, sad times, and a few moments where I feel all of those at once. It's hard to sleep at night. My mind never shuts off or stops replaying emotional moments and joyful memories. 

One thing I've noticed is that some people seem to be afraid to bring up Katie or the topic of death while in my presence. They don't want to upset me or bring up any painful memories. The truth is though, if you don't talk about it, it will eventually be forgotten. If Katie deserves anything from this life, it's to NOT be forgotten. Iv'e learned that there is a time to show my grief- with certain people who will grieve along with me. At other times, I just put on a smile and hide my emotions until I am again with those few certain people who understand what those close to Katie have been going through. 

So as I move into my new dorm, meet new friends, and start classes that will prepare me for the rest of my life, I will put on a smile and try to live life as though I am just 45 minutes away and will be seeing her over Christmas break again.